Poetry, Published

The Things I Will Teach Myself When You Go

cymera_20160719_121355Photo by Cassie Eduardo

When you go,
bring with you all the memories that lived in my soul all my life,
along with the hope that I would see you again.

But please know that there is no anger in my heart for you;
only happiness for all the good things that is about to happen to you,
but more importantly, for my heart that will finally be set free.

But in order to do that, I know,
I would need to teach myself some things when you go.
I know that it will not be easy,
because losing you is like losing a puzzle piece
and not being able to complete the puzzle forever.

I have to teach myself never to long for you again when I am sad.
I have to stop myself from day-dreaming
of the kind of life I would have with you;
I have to stop wishing I were with you.

When you go,
I have to stop myself from looking at your pictures,
where your smiles have never been mine.
I have to avoid reminiscing the days I met you,
and the fleeting days we were together.

I should no longer imagine the words I would tell you
if our paths shall ever cross again.
I should stop letting your memories live in my heart
and let they days you were gone
shatter it over and over again

So that when you come back,
if faith allows,
you would see me healed, fixed,
and whole again.

Farewell, my love.
Farewell to world I have built
in my head for you and me.

Translated to Tagalog

Mga Bagay Na Ituturo Ko Sa Aking Sarili Sa Pag-alis Mo

Paalam mahal ko.
Sana sa pag-alis mo, isama mo na rin ang kahibangang namahay sa puso ko.
Sa pag-alis mo, dahlin mo na rin ang pag-asang magkikita pa tayo sa pagbalik mo.

Hindi ako galit, mahal ko
Ang totoo, masaya ako para sa’yo;
masaya ako para sa lahat ng magandang bagay na mangyayare sa buhay mo
Pero hindi ko na kailangan pang malaman kung ano ang mga iyon
Basta ang alam ko, masaya ako para sa’yo.

Sa pag-alis mo,
dapat kong turuan ang sarili kong wag kang hanap-hanapin sa tuwing nalulungkot ako.
Dapat ko na ring pigilan ang sarili kong mangarap ng magiging buhay ko sa piling mo;
Hindi ko na rin dapat pang hilingin na sana ikaw ang kasama ko.

Sa pag-alis mo,
dapat ko ng pagbawalan ang sarili kong tignan ang mga larawan mo;
dapat ko nang wag alalahanin ang mga mabibilis na araw na ikaw ay nakasama ko.
Hindi ko na dapat pang isipin ang mga salitang nais kong sabhin kung ikaw man ay muling makikita ko.

Sa pag-alis mo,
dapat mawala ka na sa puso ko,
para sa pagbalik mo,
kung sakali, makikita mo ako na buong buo.

(Previously published by Toast and Tea at http://toastandtea.me/ on 11 April 2016)


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