On Life

I am breaking down

Why is it so god damn hard to get through this challenge in life?

I have been reading a lot of posts and quotes all over the internet about putting a smile on your face amidst adversity, and being nice to others despite having your own issues in life.

But, seriously, how the f*ck do you even do that?? When the demon you’ve been trying to fight away is always lingering around the corner, and devouring you alive every single day of your life.

How the f*ck do you even “learn” from the difficulties you experience in life when the only thing you learn from them is to never trust another living soul ever again; that all the people around will only lie to you and hurt you when you let your stupid guard down??

Like seriously, I have never been a talented writer, but I have resorted to writing to vent out all my anger, frustrations, and bitterness in life. I have even used up an entire notebook for it, but still it is not enough and the anguish never goes away.

I feel like I am about break down from all of this. I am always sad and always unable to control my anger. I have lost interest in everything. I cannot think positively because every good thing I see around me feels like a trap just so the world can fool me again. I refuse to believe in anything and anyone because everything I believed in turns out to be horrid lies.

I want to stop playing the victim, I really do. But I can’t. I do not know how. It hurts too much to be strong.

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