Letters to The Universe

Day 1 ended up in hysteria

Dear Universe,

My first day of trying to stay happy ended up in hysteria. It felt like all the angry emotions that I had bottled up the entire day all bursted out at once because of a frustrating trigger, no less. Just moments before I went to bed, everything just uncontrollably went out from my head to my fingers, and I vented out my frustrations, anger, and bitterness (but still it did not feel like it was enough). The sad thing is, I did not realize it until I was able to pour my heart out and my anger subsided.

Because of that, it feels like Day 1 of my self-project has been a failure, but I refuse to believe that it is so. I will have to remind myself not to beat myself up because of it for it is just Day 1, and I cannot expect myself to perfect it right away. I know that going through the entire process of fixing one’s self is hard and there will always be moments where I will falter and fail.

Moreover, although it is difficult and will seem wrong at times, I will have to let myself experience these negative emotions because doing so is the only way I can learn to control them. Prohibiting myself from experiencing these emotions is only as good as not letting myself heal at all. It is just like sweeping the floor of a room, but keeping all the collected dirt under the carpet; the room really isn’t cleaned because the dirt is still there and it is only accumulating.

I do not want to rush myself into the entire process, and I would like to take as much time as I truly need to feel better without feeling guilty about it. The only thing that was note-worthy for me here was that, it was the same reason I mentioned in my previous post that caused me to lose it just before my bed time.

It is just sad because I really want to be proven wrong of my hypothesis that this person I speak of is toxic in my life. Nonetheless, I know that what is mean to happen will happen. Anyways I hope you are always doing fine. Stay happy and beautiful.

Sincerely,

Nikkita.

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3 thoughts on “Day 1 ended up in hysteria”

  1. Sounds like your days will go much better without this person…Nonetheless, we are not perfect. Just keep trying to live positive. Also, find ways to relieve stress like walking or maybe listening to music so that you can release. Have a good day!

    Liked by 1 person

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