I would like to think I am feeling better and I am finally free from the demons of the past, but believing so would be lying to myself. It is too early to say that because everything still comes back to me in tidal waves, and hurts like a fresh wound as if it was just yesterday. I still cannot say, even to myself, that forgiveness has been granted because seeing your face and theirs still sends a searing pain to my heart as if it is being cut by a dull knife.
And I still ask myself, “What have I done to deserve this? Others have done far more evil things, and they live a happy life. I thought they said, ‘if you don’t want something be done unto you, don’t do unto others’ (or something like that). I have never lied to make a fool out of anyone and break their heart, but why was it done to me? Why did you do it to me?“
You said you are good at destroying and fixing things. Am I one of those “things”? Is that why you destroyed me? Because you think you can fix me?? Am I really just a thing you can toy with to add thrill to your life and fight boredom?
Well, I would like to believe in this rather odd skill set of yours, but have you asked yourself if you really have fixed me? Because as far as I can see you are only good at destroying, not at fixing. Just so you know, you are not fixing me; I am fixing myself.
And please do stop taking pride in your “skill” because destroying people (and pretending you can fix them) is an inhumane sport.