Letters to The Universe

Three

Dear Universe,

How are you faring? As for me, this is how I spent the day:

I woke up feeling excited for the day. This was a special day. I told myself not to let anything ruin it. We have planned for it several days before, and I felt like nothing could spoil the day.

I checked my phone only to see that the message I had been expecting had not arrived, and that I had to be the one to send the greeting message first. And so I did, but I had to wait for hours to get a reply, only to get one that is much less enthusiastic than the one I sent.

Before savoring the rest of the day, I had to see my doctor first. However, when I got to the hospital, I queued up for three hours (because my doctor was two hours late and there were tons of other out-patients lined up before me). On top of that, I also had to wait for someone who promised to accompany me but only made me wait for two hours and did not to show up. As I was enjoying the double layers of agony, I could not avert my eyes from the horrendous TV programs being shown in the waiting area which were about kidnapping, and a rape-and-murder case of seven year-old girl. What a way to tick this special day away!

My check-up was finished; this person did not show up. I was trying to call him, but he was not answering. Funny thing is, when I sent him my rather usual angry message, he suddenly hit my phone up (which he always does, by the way, whenever I sent him such messages) and made some lame excuse about how busy he was and stuff.

Okay. So, this is where I snapped. I mean, come on! This was supposed to be a special day, OUR special day! Can you not let this one day go by without disappointing me or hurting my feelings? Can you really not PRIORITIZE ME EVEN JUST FOR ONE STUPID DAY?! We are supposed to be special and important to each other, but for the three years that have past, I never felt I was really a priority in your life. NOT EVEN ONCE; Not when I suffered from post-partum depression, not even when my father died.

But I did not tell him that. Instead I shut my mouth, silently cried in front of the hospital building, and met him at the place he told me to (which was again different from what we planned). We had dinner, and watched a movie – something we do even on ordinary days and he probably did (or does) many times with someone else.

He did buy me something nice, but I would not say it was not special. Heck! He did not even know what it was he bought until the next day when we ate it together. (I mean, who does that??) And that’s when I learned that “nice” does not mean “special.” Those are two different stinking adjectives.

And so, what happened today has got me thinking. Am I the problem? Am I too hard to please? Am I being a whiny, demanding brat? Or is he just a toxic person who does not care enough to spare me just one day? I did not ask for too much. I did not ask for a fancy date, or anything materialistic in nature. I only asked to feel special and important even for just one day, he could have started it by making me feel I was the priority. That’s all.

Sincerely,

Nikkita.

Late post. 12 Nov 2016.

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