On Life

Feeling Empty

Exactly how I have been feeling lately, and I can say this is much much worse than being arid, really.

I feel neither happiness nor sadness. Neither scared nor hopeful. Not even anger, of which I am very very well acquainted with. I feel so uninterested with everything that is around me, and it feels as if I have lost contact with the meaning of life.

To combat this feeling of emptiness I have tried several things:

I have tried reigniting my interest in music (which has been long gone since I started college) by trying to sing again. However, I cannot find a comfortable place to do so out loud and my vocal chords feel like they have not been stretched for quite a long time. I cannot even hit the notes right, and it annoys and frustrates me a lot.

I have tried playing the guitar again, but my fingers feel so stiff and my guitar skills seem to be too far behind that I cannot even finish an entire song. I have also been updating myself with the latest hits, but I am sorry to say, I do not feel drawn to the tunes of the current generation.

Furthermore, I have tried kindling my interest in movies, but I cannot even go 15 minutes into the film without my mind flying away to other realms.

I have also exerted strenuous effort to carry on with ticking things off my To-read list by actually reading the books I have been wanting to read. Hell, I even created a new category on this blog intended for my reviews of those books! But my brain seems unable to process the words I read, like I have completely forgotten the ability to comprehend English.

On top of that, I have been wracking my brain for anything to write about, be it a happy or a sad thing, real or imagined. But, I still have NOTHING. I produced a draft last night (which I worked on for about three hours or so), but ended up lost with the main point of what I was writing about somewhere in the middle. Even writing this post proved to be an arduous challenge.

***

I do not know what I am supposed to do with this emptiness. Is this how it feels to move on and be free at last? Am I supposed to feel this way?

Should I keep on flooding myself with things to keep myself busy? I have tried but apparently failed.

Or should I let myself embrace this quietness for a moment? But if I do, I am afraid I will get used to the silence the same way I got used to the burning flames of my anger in the recent past.
😓

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9 thoughts on “Feeling Empty”

  1. Oh, I know this, I’ve been feeling like this too, not too long ago. What I found is: this isn’t emptiness, it’s the complete opposite! The mind is just too busy, causing the inability to concentrate on things, hence the quick loss of interest and frustration! Fingers burning – wanna do something but nothing is quite right and doesn’t want the way I want. I mean, you wrote about this publicly – did it get better afterwards? Because I wrote about these things in my diary and ‘talking it out’ helped a whole lot! Acceptance is the way to go!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t even know… 😔 maybe I am still stuck in the “emptiness” stage…
      But sometimes I feel like there’s a lot of things I want to do, but I can’t. I feel like I lack time to do them. Other times I don’t feel like doing anything when I finally had time to do so… I just feel utterly unproductive. I don’t understand. 😔😔

      Like

      1. I know what you mean, feeling unproductive, useless, without ambition. Thoughts like ‘it’s too late to start doing stuff anyway, what’s the point’ etc. It’s a cycle you need to break, just relax and really, try to do what you feel – nothing! Spend time alone doing nothing, no music or other distractions – just be mindful on where your thoughts take you, I’m sure you’ll find a lot speaking to you, let it out, write it down, chances are you’ll feel lighter afterwards! I just want you to know that even this crappy feeling won’t last forever! Much love to you!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. You just cry,scream and shout with all that is left in you. Make this the last day of your emptiness by doing what I mentioned above. Just convince yourself that this is exactly not what you deserve . This is not what you want your life to be. I am sure tomorrow will be a starting of a new life.

    Liked by 1 person

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