On Life

A Playlist of Broken Promises

iphone

 1. Beautiful in My Eyes – Joshua Kadison

 2. Tadhana – Updharma Down

 3. All About Us – He is We

 4. Be Your Everything – Boys Like Girls

 5. Kailangan Kita – Spongecola

 6. I Won’t Let You Go – James Morrison

I won’t be surprised if I would get a blank stare from you if I told you these songs remind me of you. They probably don’t have any significance in your life and therefore don’t remind you of me.

I am certain you can no longer remember how we used to talk about them and share YouTube links to each other. I know you can’t recall the times when we both killed the “replay” button to listen to the same songs over and over again.

I also know you cannot remember how you shamelessly sang and dedicated one of them to me in the presence of our friends, and how I liked singing another one of them in front of any willing audience any chance I got. I bet you cannot even identify which songs I am speaking about.

If I didn’t know any better, I would think these songs actually meant something to you.

But I do. And I know they are just some random songs we talked about only to pass time or to keep the conversation going, because in reality, we really had nothing deep or serious to converse about.

I know that to you, they had never been the songs through which, promises to each other were implicitly made (but were eventually broken). But sadly, they were to me, and now I feel so foolish for ever believing that because I can finally see, clear as day, that they truly meant nothing.

And because of that, I have realized without a qualm that I have to unlearn any associations I have of these songs with you. I have to learn how to not let tear drops fall from my eyes every time I hear them. I have to convince myself that surely, you have other songs you have shared with someone else and they have more meaning in your life than these.

But how do you even begin the process of moving on when every song you used to love listening to reminds you of that one person you need to move forward from?

Perhaps, semantic satiation can help me do the trick. I’ll just have to listen to these songs over and over and over again, until I get tired of them. Until they finally lose their meaning to me. Until I cannot understand what they mean anymore. Until it no longer hurts my ears to hear them or my heart to think about you.

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11 thoughts on “A Playlist of Broken Promises”

  1. After my 27 year marriage ended which was my decision I found that music made me cry. Suddenly the lyrics become more meaningful, I would find myself driving and tears would be pouring down my face, not a good look 😉 It’s all part of the healing process even when we know that someone is not right for us it is still like a bereavement because it is a loss no a sense of failure 🌹

    Liked by 1 person

    1. At times, I can’t stop my tears from falling even when I’m in a public place. I don’t drive, and I take public transportation, so sometimes I worry people might think I’m crazy for crying without apparent reasons. 😂
      I know it’ll pass. One day, I’ll look back, listen to those songs and laugh at myself for crying over them. 😁 ❤️🌷

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s hard Nikita, even when you know that it was the right thing to do it hurts. I used to get a pain in my heart which I was told was my heart chakra closing. We must never accept what is less than we deserve in our lives. 🌹✨❤️ Even when it hurts the other person. I carried my ex husbands pain for years because I felt guilty. He just enjoyed himself. Do not carry someone else’s pain because it is their lesson to learn 🌹

        Liked by 1 person

      2. It does hurt. 😥 But what hurts the most is knowing that you had never been enough, even if you feel like you have given up a huge part of your life for him… Anyway, I guess, he’s reaping the consequences of his actions now and so, this time I must deal with my own self. At least no one can tell I gave up so easily…

        Liked by 1 person

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